Saturday, April 30, 2005

Amazing!

Friday, April 29, 2005

Girls...

I love girls! They are fun and beautiful and nice.
I am thankful for all of the females in my life and would gladly "grab a beer" for any of them anytime (figuratively speaking).

:)

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Funny Stuff

A Man's Reasoning
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Deep Thoughts By David Hillhouse...

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Now that's just embarrassing...

You got to feel for this girl. She stands in front of thousands of hockey fans to sing the national anthem and forgets the words not once but twice. She leaves the ice to grab a piece of paper with the words and as she returns her day gets even worse. Apparently, this is the first time the national anthem was not sung before a professional hockey game. O say, can you...ooops!

Deep Thoughts By David Hillhouse...

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. A Demonstration

Monday, April 25, 2005

Deep Thoughts By David Hillhouse...

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

All Good

This morning I had my colonoscopy and apparently everything went ok. The worst part about the whole thing was the nurses sticking me like 6 times to get my IV in. I've made it home and now I guess I have to wait until I go see the doctor to find out what is wrong with me. It was some what interesting getting to see your insides on a monitor. I had to ask for my glasses back so I could see what was going on. Anyways, just wanted to let everybody know that it went well.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Crazy Dream...

Last night I had a very odd dream. The whole premise of the Terminator movies had come true, and the machines were taking over. So, I decided to watch the Terminator movies, so that I would know how to fight the machines when they came. I watched the first two on DVD, but didn't have the third one (which is odd, since I actually own all three). Luckily, it was on TBS (I guess they had already run Roadhouse that night evidently). So I watched about half of it, but remembered that I had to go to a friends house, so I decided that I'd finish it there. Well, when I got there, his stupid parents were watching a basketball game! I'm like hey, turn it to the Superstation, Terminator 3 is on...we gotta learn how to fight these F'in robots before they come to get us!!! And they're like nah, we're watching the game. So, I was just sittin there all mad, cause I was thinking I wouldn't know what to do when the T1000s showed up, because I didn't get to see how John Connor took em' down. To make a long story (or better yet, dream...rimshot) short, I never had to go into mortal combat against the terminators, cause before they got there, I woke up.

Deep Thoughts By David Hillhouse...

Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield, some days you're the windshield wipers.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Deep Thoughts By David Hillhouse...

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Ass Virgin No More

Hello to all that read this. Many of you know that I've been having some sort of medical issues in my life. I don't know exactly what it is but my colon is pissed at me for some reason. So I've scheduled a colonoscopy for Monday morning. I'll finally lose my virginity to a doctor, which has always been my dream. I just didn't picture it this way. I had a sugar mama in mind but if I'm looking for that out of this relationship its going to have to be a sugar daddy. Harold, my driver at work, said that I should bring the doctor flowers for after the procedure and to get his phone number not just to leave mine. "Those doctors never call after that." I don't think I'll be looking for a date afterwards.
I really don't have any to answers to what is wrong with me. It could be something minor like colitis, which isn't always minor but it is treatable. This seems to be the popular thought from my doctors. But for now life goes on. I'm about to head to bed to get some sleep before the OZO concert tonight/ tomorrow morning at 2 a.m. As soon as I find something more specific out I will let you know.

Deep Thoughts By David Hillhouse...

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Deep Thoughts By David Hillhouse...

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Deep Thoughts By David Hillhouse...

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

FREE AT LAST!!!

Hey everybody! I haven't posted in a really long time so I decided to change that. I finished with my last big school thing today so I finally have time to do things that I want to and I am so excited about that. I passed my exam committee today and turned in my last paper yesterday! I have about two and a half weeks until graduation and I get to relax and sleep for the first time in a while. One goal is to catch up on movies that I have not seen. Any good suggestions?
Anyway, I thought I would also post a joke for everyone else to enjoy.

Q: Why was the cross-eyed teacher fired?
A: Because he could not keep his pupils straight.

My roommate found this and thought is was funny because she said it made her think of me. Hope y'all enjoy it just as much.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I saw this and thought it was pretty good...

Why ARE Men Happier?

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car Mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase . You can open all of your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides you big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter what how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Post Office

I went to the post office yesterday to check my p.o. box. I'm standing by the trash cans there digging through it. Throwing the junk mail out and looking at the other stuff. In the pile I keep there is a small purple envelope that looks like a card. Thinking that it was rather odd to be getting something like that I quickly open and there is a small note attached to a Sam's Club receipt. I'm like this isn't for me so I look at the address and it wasn't for me. While putting the note back in the envelope I notice there is a check inside. Curiosity struck me and I took a peek at it. Open the check up and it is written for $5,000. I was like, "Oh, this is definitely not for me!! I better bring this to the postman and not just stick it in the wrong mail slot. I wonder what the money was for. For like two seconds I was trying to figure out how I could cash that, but I quickly gave up figuring there was no way to get away with it. You think somebody was anxiously waiting for that card? I know I would.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Awwww Snap!!! (Mr. T related)...

Treat cho mutha right

Thursday, April 07, 2005

That's funny, I don't care who ya' are...

Jumping rope for the glory of God

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I'll give a dollar to anyone who can find something more bizarre than this...

Furries

Hello

Well it's been quite awhile since I posted something that wasn't a pic or video, so I thought I would write to tell everyone hello. Nothing much is going on over here in College Station...just school and work. To those of you who were fooled by my April Fools joke on Friday, I'd like to go ahead and let you know that no, I didn't run into a cop, getting a huge ticket and my car impounded; no, I didn't get arrested for a DWI/resisting arrest, causing the cop to hit me with a billy club; no, I didn't get in a fight with my roomate on my balcony, where I threw him over the railing down three floors, crushing his hip and breaking his leg; no, my family isn't moving to Chicago; no, my brother's wife Claire isn't pregnant again; and no, Paco and Pixie didn't get in a fight, where she bit him in the nuts, causing him to have to have his left nut removed. Moving on, I recently purchased a Mach 3 Power, and let me just say, that thing is AWESOME!!! It's well worth the price. Guys, you definitely should check it out...like right now...go buy one! Anyway, I'm looking forward to this weekend, when everyone is coming to Texas. Ok, well not everyone...actually only five people. But it's going to be fun none the less. Chad, I'm sorry you won't be joining us, but we'll make up for it in May. I went to see Sin City on Friday, and that movie was excellent. It is based on the comic book, and it's actually shot that way as well, which will seem very weird if you're not prepared for it. But, it was still very good. Finally, as we all know, the Pope died this week. Even though I'm not Catholic, I will still mourn his death. He was a great man, who was very courageous in his fights against the communists in Poland when he was a priest in Krakow (I actually attended his old church in Krakow when I was studying abroad in Poland a few years ago). His leadership in the soladarity movement there, was one of the major reasons why the area was able to have so many political reforms. And later when he became the Pope, his fight against totaltarian governments around the world was very instrumental in many of the changes that we are witnessing today. His death, though not unexpected, is very tough, especially in the crazy times we live in today. Peace be with you John Paul II.

P.S. - If you are a guy, why are you reading this still? You should be at the grocery store buying a Mach 3 Power! Now get moving!